They are:
Listening
Summarising
Questioning
Listening
The purpose of listening in conflict resolution is not for the listener to get ‘the facts’ but to support the speaker in understanding their own thoughts and feelings about the destructive conflict they are involved in. If you are focused on getting the facts it suggests you are wanting to take some level of control of the situation in order to resolve it for the speaker. You can't resolve another person's destructive conflict, you can only help them to resolve it themselves.
Summarising
An effective summary maximizes the effectiveness of the communication that occurs through a checking with the speaker whether the summary is an accurate statement of what was said. The summary is not a ‘statement of fact’ about what was said, it is an opportunity to clarify with the speaker that the thoughts and feelings and viewpoints they have expressed have been heard accurately. Besides, summarising is not a 'high pressure' activity for the listener as the summary is not going to be 'perfect' the first time it is given and it does not need to be.
Questioning
An open question allows the person to create any one of a number of possible answers that work for them. A closed, leading question means the person can only answer yes or no to the disguised direction they are being given. The closed question approach is what often leads to the idea of ‘empowerment’ being looked upon with some cynicism as it is paternalism trying to pretend it is something else. It still harbours an ‘I know better than you and you should do as I say’ subtext which does not value the individual’s capacity to decide their own path.
